SHELLEY GOLDBERG-February 5, 2009 by Ephraim Buchwald

Transcription

1 SHELLEY GOLDBERG-February 5, 2009 by Ephraim Buchwald,,, Behold I am bitter, and my heart trembles, my flesh shrivels, for there is nothing more bitter than the bitterness of death. For what is more powerful than death, the Rabbis ask: If steel is powerful, fire melts the steel. Fire is powerful, water extinguishes the fire. Water is powerful, clouds contain the water. Clouds are powerful, the wind disperses them. But death, death is more powerful than all, and there is no scheme, nor any recourse against it! If death is indeed bitter, then what words can be found in the human language to describe the premature death of a loving, extraordinarily talented young woman, wife, mother and sister, Shelley Goldberg? In Yiddish there is one terrifying word which says it all--an umglick!--a resounding, profound tragedy. The type of tragedy, even if it is related in hushed whispers, is always spoken of with an internal scream--because of its devastating impact. Given the profundity of this tragedy, how can we possibly relate to its immensity? May I suggest that we ask ourselves: A few months ago we could have watched Shelley interact with her beloved daughters, helping them with homework or giving them advice, or watch her at work as Business Director of Home Healthcare at Becton, Dickinson, or talk with her about the progress that her beloved son Baruch has made in his yeshiva in Israel, or plan a charity event for some worthy cause, or enjoy a Shabbat lunch with the Goldberg family, or listen to her as she studied the laws of Shmiras Haloshon (avoiding evil speech), or as she reviewed the weekly parasha!--but now she is gone, and now only our memories of her remain. 1

2 A year ago she was a vital, creative, loving person, a totally caring person, all heart and soul--but now she is no more--only the care and love she selflessly exuded remains. Shelley Cohen was born 52 years ago. She grew up with parents and brothers, Harvey and Paul, in New Hyde Park, when there was no observant community as there is today. She attended the local public elementary and high schools. Shelley was an exceptionally gifted and creative person, an outstanding student. She graduated Columbia University with a degree in engineering and went on to become the first female manager/ technical supervisor for the ABC soap opera All My Children. After several years at ABC she went to Harvard Business School where she completed her MBA. She then took a job in Pittsburgh as product manager of Aqua Fresh toothpaste. Although she didn t like being so far away, she learned to read Hebrew and had an adult Bas Mitzvah. When I first met Shelley Cohen in 1987 she had just moved back to the Upper West Side of Manhattan and had become the product manager of Wizard air fresheners at American Home Products. She began to attend the Beginners Service at the Lincoln Square Synagogue. She showed great enthusiasm, learning as much as she could about Judaism, and with her signature determination and perseverance, left everyone else behind in the dust. Shelley s desire to learn and her great natural abilities allowed her to advance rapidly in Jewish studies. She was soon graduated to the Intermediate Minyan. It was at a Sukkah party of the Intermediate Minyan that she met her husband to be, the handsome young lawyer, Morty Goldberg. I had the privilege of officiating at their marriage in They continued to live on the Upper West Side for 3 to 4 years. I watched Baruch come with his father to the daily minyan, eventually becoming the chief Gabbai Tzedaka at age 3. Baruch was so cute that no one could resist giving to him. Since the Goldbergs moved to New Jersey, the Shul charity revenues have never been the same. 2

3 Shelley was a devoted wife and mother. She loved her children. Despite being a serious intellectual, she was a natural nurturer and educator. Education was very important to her and she was particularly happy with the schooling that her children received at the Yeshiva of North Jersey. She told me recently that Baruch had told her that he loved YNJ so much, that he hoped one day to learn enough so that he can become a Rebbe there. Her face lit up when she told me this. She was so proud of her daughters Channa Leiba and Meira Chaya, also wonderful students at Bruria high school and YNJ and so helpful at home. She was so grateful to all the students who had been recruited by Channa Leiba and had volunteered to learn Shmiras Haloshon of the Chofetz Chaim to benefit the zechus of Channa s mother. She was a selfless and giving person. She was a giver, not a taker. She hosted wonderful Shabbat meals for other Beginners, to urge them along and help them gain an appreciation of Shabbat. Once she was married, Shelley gained even greater renown on the Upper West Side for her hospitality and her gourmet cooking abilities. Shelley was unique among the Beginners. While there were others who were as serious and sincere as she, and always ready to help (she was truly disappointed when there was nothing for her to do and no one for her to help), she was a giver, who did not know how to take. Shelley was a very non-materialistic person, in a rather materialistic environment. She was not concerned with clothes or other externals (although she always looked smart and comely). Her concern was with the spiritual matters, care, consideration, honesty. This is what God wanted of her. She never took her success in business too seriously. She would say that whatever Hashem gave her was so that she could share it with others. In fact, she never took money too seriously. She saw it as an instrument, or gift, to help others. She always counted her blessings. Shelley was indeed one of the most selfless and giving people I have ever met. And so after all this, who was Shelley Goldberg? She was an extremely private person, who never spoke much about 3

4 herself. I enjoyed talking to Shelley as she spoke with pride about her family even though she was so sick. When I would visit, no matter how weak she was, she would gather strength and present a happy optimistic face to me. I think she knew how difficult it was for me, one of her earliest teachers in Yiddishkeit, who was so proud of her amazing growth, who rejoiced in her engagement to Morty, who officiated at her wedding and was present at Baruch s bris, to see her in her illness. I would leave inspired by my visits with her, the great faith and bitachon that always exuded from her. But last week, when I saw her, I felt so helpless. I wish I could have done more, but for the first time in almost 40 years in the rabbinate I was at a loss for words. True to form, she looked at me and softly told me not to worry, that Hashem was watching her and taking care of her. It was vintage Shelley, comforting me, and telling me not to worry, that she was not afraid. I will never forget that poignant moment. We have no answers, we are truly bereft. And yet, perhaps our initial assumption was not correct after all. Is death truly more powerful than all? The common element that brought us all, family, friends and admirers, together this morning was Shelley s deep and abiding love and selflessness. This selfless love, this special Neshama, is indeed more powerful than death, for it radiates beyond the grave, and transforms the feelings of mere mortals into immortal recollections. Feelings that even all powerful death cannot take from us. Our Rabbis in the ask the following poignant question?? What is the difference between the death of the old and death of the young?., :., 4

5 R Judah said: When a candle burns out of itself, it is good for the candle and good for the wick. But when it does not burn out itself, it is bad for itself and bad for the wick. The candle of the life of Shoshana Geula bas Yaakov Ha Cohen uv racha, has been extinguished before its time, and those of us who benefitted from her light will never be the same, for the loss is irretrievable. But the light that she emitted in her brief lifetime is truly remarkable, remarkable in its love, remarkable in its sensitivity, remarkable in its concern for others, and its capacity to dissipate sorrow and pain in others. Shelley s flame has lighted and inspired others, who live on after her and bear the message of her lifetime. May her memory be a blessing for all. dh:\w ordperfect Files\EZB\Eulogies\Goldberg Shelley.wpd 5